Check-in – connection and belonging

08/20/2021

I am noticing a lot of conversations around maintaining staff wellbeing, and supporting our teams and colleagues through these difficult times. Regardless of our location and the varied degree of “freedom”, all of us have been impacted by the pandemic.

Here’s something we can do, individually, to support our colleagues and friends.

Create a support circle.

It is informal and casual. It is establishing social connection – via chat, phone call or video call, or social media interaction.

I know the people in my circle will contact me if they need/want to. And I do the same with them – a difficult moment requires some “debrief” and a happy occasion is for sharing. That’s healthy.

Set your intention

Start by setting an intention. The support circle does not require us to be counsellors. Create a circle which you and others can belong and connect.

Shared experiences (say, of our workplace, of a particular professional group, or team) engender experiential and intellectual intimacies, and allow for conversations. The circle will be a vault where confidences are maintained. Bring our authentic self into the circle – show yourself and be prepared for candid conversations.

The “logistics”

Be specific and realistic about what we can do. This is after all about wellbeing, and self-care is a priority.

How much time will we dedicate to this, and how many per week? Individual or group interaction?

There is no fixed rule. This is a circle and the “arrangement” is loose. My check-ins are usually 1-to-1. It takes 10-15 mins and I find that’s enough for us. A matter for you how often you can engage with this. If you can manage one interaction a week, that’s good enough. At least one person will have received the generosity and kindness of your time and attention.

Who can I possibly contact? How big should the circle be?

Though not exhaustive, these questions can remind you of someone whom you can include in your support circle.

  • Who lives alone?
  • Who misses their family living interstate or overseas?
  • Who has caring obligations exacerbated by social restrictions?
  • Who is extroverted or sociable yet compelled to live under social restrictions?
  • Who haven’t you heard from in a while?
  • Who may be feeling additional stress directly because of the pandemic for eg. tech support staff who are working hard to enable our remote working life?

There is no “should” in this. We willingly come into the support circle. And if it is a circle of 2 persons, then so be it. Both of you will be better off with the experience.

No, thank you

Be sensitive to the possibility that our attention is not always welcomed or needed. Or someone may be receiving too much contact.

If you are being approached by too many people, then convey a grateful “no, thank you” to some of them. Setting personal boundaries is a resilience skill. Something along the lines of “thank you for checking in, I already have a support circle. Someone else will benefit from your check-in. Perhaps you may wish to check in on others who need support.”

If you are sensing a need for support within your community, and wondering what to do, I hope this is food for thought…and action.

You have the power to make a positive 😊 difference to someone’s day.

As we give, so we receive.

Empathy is not necessarily helpful

06/09/2017

“Empathy is a distributed brain process” says the research team from the University of Colorado Boulder.

What does this mean? Empathy as an experience is not located in a specific region of the brain, rather it “utilises” the whole brain.

The researchers differentiate between empathic care – where empathy generates care and assistance and occurring in the part of our brain associated with value and reward; and empathic distress – where it triggers avoidance, fear and anger, and occurring in that part of our brain dealing with mirroring.

While there is little difference person to person as to the patterns for empathic care and empathic distress, what promotes the care element?

Check this out on Medical News Today.

Relationship in leadership

03/27/2017

To be recognize as a true leader, one has To Be, To Do and To Relate.

This is the final of a 3-part series on leadership.

The value of experience is not in seeing much, but in seeing wisely. ~ William Osler

Experience is a great teacher. Yet we couldn’t possibly experience all that we need to lead wisely. We stumble and we make mistakes, and we look with wise eyes at the mishaps.

How do we learn? To what do we reference our words and deeds? We look to other lives lived in effective leadership, and considering what went wrong, what could be improved and how. In this process, we do not so much follow but reflect and analyse.

To lead wisely, we do not look at mere strategies and techniques, following blindly. We find what works with heart, we approach with the spirit of integrity and authenticity.

With empathy, integrity and authenticity – this is how leaders relate.

Authenticity

Know your self. What do you stand for? What is your vision for your organization, your team, your group, yourself in relation to each and every member? How will you motivate, encourage or lift another?

Be an observer of yourself. Watch your words and actions, are they congruent? Do they reflect your values?

Integrity

Be real. Are you consistent, in thought, word and deed? Do you walk the talk? Are you accountable? Do others trust you to hold firm to your beliefs? Are you worthy of trust?

Have courage. To be integritas (Latin origin, meaning “the whole”), often we have to be steadfast, to stand tall in the face of challenges and temptations to be otherwise.

Empathy

Seek to understand. Listen with your heart. Open your mind and be curious. There is much to learn and we may not know what would come our way at any moment, or from whomever.

Be in communication. Be with the people whom you work with and rely upon to get the job done. We cannot lead in isolation. Do you have the skills to convey your message? Are you approachable and supportive?

Before we lead, we must first be in genuine relationship and to engage our colleagues’ minds and hearts. Before we do, we are.

Innovation requires introspection and empathy

06/21/2016

An article by Alain de Botton speaks of the need for us to be introspective and empathic in order to release our business creativity leading to innovation.

Introspection – because until we reflect on what we need or want or desire, ‘new’ creations cannot come alive. He quoted Emerson who wrote, ‘[I]n the minds of geniuses we find, once more, our own neglected thoughts.’

Empathy – because until we are able to imagine and appreciate someone else’ need or want or desire, innovation is unlikely to be successful.

We come to these through being mindful.