Walking the labyrinth – reflecting on reflection

12/18/2023

Reflecting on an experience of walking the humble labyrinth during a silent meditation retreat, I notice its metaphor to our life.

I entered the labyrinth with the spirit of contemplation and an openness to receive what comes. It wasn’t long before my mind got the better of me. As the path led me to the outer edge instead of the centre, I told myself it did not make rational sense. Then I tried to work  out the ‘how’ and ‘why’ in my mind. And before I could find an answer, a little voice said, “the path must not be correct”. Then I heard a nervous laugh from within, which said, “I know nothing of the construction of the labyrinth yet I doubt its very presence”. This awareness of the moment brought me to lay these thoughts down, and to trust the path.

 In trusting the path, I was choosing to trust the original builders of the labyrinth and those who added to it, to the walkers who had not raised issues about the labyrinth for there was none. I chose to trust in the stillness of that moment, to my senses. So I looked up to admire the changing scenery as I took each step along the path to the centre. 

A stone bench sat at the centre of the labyrinth. The arrival anticlimactic; it did not live up to expectations which I didn’t know I had until then. Yet there I learned, it was not about this destination but the journey there that mattered.  And that perhaps without expectations I would have appreciated the moment of arrival.

I retraced my steps to leave the labyrinth. Once again, a thought came to mind that the walk would be boring even as I took the first step back. I had been on this path just moments before, after all. Then I looked up and around me as I walked. The scenery was unfamiliar, different. The experience – even of the humming of the wind, the rhythm of the rustling of trees, the enchanting bird calls – was  different. My idea of what should be and would be abated. Every moment is a new moment, to be experienced afresh. 

On reflection, I am grateful for the awareness and insights. I realise this experience of mine is not dissimilar for many of us in our personal and professional life.

We are compelled by the impetus of time and efficiency to get to the centre, evaluating our experience and measuring our success based on expectations which are historical in nature. 

But this year I hope our reflection will be different. As we walk back through this past year, let’s appreciate a different scenery. 

Choose different measures of ‘success’. Beyond efficiency and productivity, beyond monetary rewards and career perks, consider how well you have spent time in relationship, how well you have cared for yourself, how deeply or broadly you have considered, how you have opened to the new or different. 

Measure ‘success’ by the quality of your personal and professional relationships, how cohesively your life integrates your most valuable, your contribution to the ‘success’ of another, the positive impacts you have brought to your environment, your demonstration of responsibility and accountability, your expression of kindness and generosity, and the list goes on.

We may have short- or long-term plans in our life, but what we do with these plans as we walk on the path makes all the difference. It would not be wise to doggedly stick to them. 

Look up to the beauty and possibility of each moment and what it presents, and be willing to change and move from ideas and plans formed from moments in history.  

 

 

© 2023 Transfigure Therapy

Life purpose – a lofty ideal?

12/19/2022

Recently, I was asked what my purpose is.

Why do I do what I do?

For a long time now, it has been this:

To awaken people to reclaim their personal agency and maximise their potential to live a meaningful and authentic life.

This may seem abstract and perhaps a mere lofty ideal; I believe not.

Just as we aspire to do ‘good’, how ‘good’ is embodied, practiced, demonstrated or modeled each day is what matters. This exercise remains personal.

We are not seeking perfection nor are we infallible. We set out each day holding onto the intention for this purpose to be true in words and actions.

How do I know I have succeeded?

What is the measure of success?

Because mine is a transpersonal purpose, it is less about me and much more about the other. And success is then measured by the impact on and outcome for the other with whom I am in contact.

Life purpose makes what we do in our personal and professional life meaningful. As is oft said, it’s the journey not the destination that matters.

With each task and every interaction with one or many – be they family, friends, students, colleagues, clients, etc. – this purpose, like a lighthouse on the frontier of the known and yet unknown, shines the way and alerts us when we are at risk of drifting from the true course.

For me, I am not out to change another. Personal change cannot happen without their committed participation to their own growth. So it is that I seek to create, even if only in small ways, the conditions which activate or deepen their commitment.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson,

“…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!”

Perhaps my measure of success is not lofty enough 😉?

Heading into 2023

I urge you to take time to reflect on what your purpose is and your measure of success. And consider this,

  • How are your interactions with others?
  • How do you approach your work?
  • Are they aligned to your purpose?

May your 2023 be a meaningful year!

A grateful year

12/26/2020

Surprised by the fruit hanging on the tree covered with maroon leaves, I stopped to consider whether this tree has been there all along. I haven’t seen these cherry-like fruit before. I knew of course that the tree has been standing guard next to the entrance since I moved into this house some 5 years (!) ago. Now I can say I have a purple leaf sand cherry tree :-).

This little incident is much like 2020 – it takes something different and perhaps drastic to make us see what we’ve been blind to or missing.

This year has been a challenging year in many aspects, from adapting to different and often difficult work situations to increased demand in our homes and relationships.

Yet 2020 is also the year for which we can be grateful. This year helped us to

  • acknowledge the importance of stepping off the productivity wagon
  • embrace our capacity to live with uncertainty
  • rediscover the joys, great and small, our family and other relationships bring
  • appreciate the meaning of missing someone
  • reconnect with our passions and desires
  • realise the significance of our solitude and reflection
  • be aware of how little we actually need to be happy
  • reinforce the power of kind words and a smile.

Thank you for your community, the sharing of a common spirit and purpose.

You may wish to light a candle for the year passed and set an intention for the year ahead.

As we head to the final days of 2020 with hope that 2021 will be a better year, I ask myself this:

What does “better” mean? What does “a better year” look like?

Let us resolve to retain the positive changes 2021 has brought into our lives, and usher in a better 2021.

~ FlorenceT

Antidote – a rich internal life

07/24/2020

Seth Godin, former dot com business executive and author, said,

Instead of wondering when our next vacation is, we should set up a life we don’t need to escape from.

What a challenge!

A rich internal life is an antidote to the pervading sense of dread and anxiety that we come across each day. When we are in touch with the richness of our internal life, we will no longer be dependent on an external life for escape.

The present external life

No matter where you are on this quest of setting up a life which you don’t want to escape from, you’re likely experiencing a degree of disappointment and dejection in the current environment. The prospect of the next vacation is bleak, and international travel almost non-existent.

Where do you go now, when options to escape from a high-stress or dissatisfied life are narrower than before? The distractions you allow yourself as consolations or rewards, the activities you indulge in to remind yourself that the way you live is worthwhile indeed, the activities you attend as temporary anesthesia – they are now severely reduced.

Even the most outward focused of us are compelled to reconsider our options. We now must find our respite from our work and in our home, and to maintain our sense of connection and belonging within a smaller social group.

Why an internal life?

This is the epoch to return to our internal life. 

It is time to return to greater appreciation of introspection, depth and meaning. It is necessary especially when we have to keep our own company more often than before.

And this internal life can be scary. Consciously or otherwise, many of us have taken quite resolute steps to not peek into this space while others have been oblivious to the need for it. And many more are tapping into it to varying degrees.

Where are you?

An internal life is the world within us, encompassing the mental and emotional spaces and spiritual by nature.

A rich internal life means you are self-aware and clear about your values, and well-equipped to manage your emotions. It means you have a calm and focused mind, with optimal level of resilience. 

To attain a rich internal life

Here are the preconditions to having a rich internal life:

  • time alone – in this place where  you are not performing nor entertained, and you are required to keep yourself company. 
  • independence – you must do this exploration and interrogation of your internal life on your own; no amount of discussion with close family and friends will assist in a resolution, in fact it may be counter-productive. Take time to nurture your ability to comfort, discipline, inspire, educate and entertain yourself.

Nothing, to my way of thinking, is a better proof of a well ordered mind than a man’s ability to stop just where he is and pass some time in his own company. ~ Seneca

  • curiosity – and here, you will give yourself permission to explore all aspects of yourself, the desirables and the undesirables. Let your imagination and fantasies take flight.
  • focus – you will spend time making friends with your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Learn to discipline your thoughts, and to choose what you pay attention to. Most importantly, focus and choose your daily behaviours and habits. They matter.

Remember that at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love.  ~ David Levithan

Necessary growth

When we emerge from the current environmental restrictions, will we be more aware? Will we know ourselves better? Will we like ourselves better?

This is the growth to aspire to. 

Preparing for self-awareness

06/26/2019

Can you conceive of the “why” to what you  say or do? Beyond the reasons and rationalising.

“To thine own self be true”, Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet. So how can we “be true” unless we know our self?

What do we mean when we speak of self- awareness and “being conscious” of our words and actions??

To be self-aware requires attention and effort. It is easier and quicker to evaluate others’ words and actions, or judge their motives and intentions than it is to decipher ours.

Perhaps unthinkingly or unconsciously we direct our attention outwards more often than we do inwards because it is challenging to look at ourselves, especially our Shadow (to use Carl Jung’s term) – this unconscious aspect of our personality which our conscious ego has trouble acknowledging or seeing.

Self-awareness will allow us to know our humanity and our place in it. We then are able to understand and know others .

So how do we learn to be self-aware? We have to be prepared

  • to be present to, and aware of our thoughts and feelings. A contemplative practice is useful, and over time, it will become easier. I have no answer as to the measure of time this may be for you nor even for myself.  It is not about arriving somewhere. I am not certain if there is even a destination we need concern ourselves with.  It is the contemplative practice itself which brings to light the judgement, blame and shame we hold and from which we act.
  • to hold our flaws gently in the palms of my hands, sometimes in playful lightness, sometimes in repose, always mindful to not judge.  In this I do not always succeed. That is okay too. The very act of being aware of my Shadow is by itself, empowering and humbling – to walk this life with consciousness.  The crux is to know when we are judging; if we can name it, we are more likely to be able to let the act or thought go.  

The essence of any contemplative practice is twofold – silence and stillness. As opposed to being ‘silenced’ by a fear, in protest or by resignation, silence in meditation is empowering because we come to sit in that space in which we are aware of ourselves, of our world and our relationship with the world; and we then have the choice to accept ourselves for who we are – to be true.

“The point [of meditation] is not to improve yourself …but to come back to who you are, the awareness that is your birthright” ~ Jack Kornfield

To do this,

  • we need to be prepared to turn to which is difficult in order to learn something of value,
  • be willing to seat ourselves in the middle of everything, joys and sorrows,
  • to trust this space of awareness with a loving and compassionate heart, and
  • to acknowledge this is our humanity.

Be still instead of perpetually chasing or running away. This is what it means to be present – to not look to our history and judge and attempt to fix it, to not look to our future and judge it against ideals we have inherited from our past or history.

Presence and awareness becomes the springboard from which we take our next steps – understanding and evaluating, inwards and outwards.

As Zen master, Suzuki Roshi, said,

“I do not know anything about higher consciousness, I just try to teach my students how to hear the birds sing.”  

How beautiful, how simple!  Be here.

When we do not look to judge, blame or shame, perhaps then the task of becoming self-aware becomes less confronting.

~ FlorenceT

You’re not normal, and it’s okay

04/19/2018

Yale researchers have confirmed our feeling different is normal, in that there is no normal. Our experience is by reference to our environment and “normality” is circumstantial.

“Change is the only constant.” Don’t we know this already? Our struggle lays in our denial and persisting attempts to maintain a status quo.

Check out this article in Curiosity.

Finding balance

07/15/2016

Time is no longer the arbiter for what is ‘work’ and what is ‘family’ or ‘leisure’. The demand, and the rationale, for flexible work practice is on the rise.

Peter Hirst, Associate Dean of the MIT Sloan School of Management states,

“Employers need to address these burdens not by seeing how time at work can be more enjoyable, but by identifying the ways that work requirements make life less manageable …”

and recommends the creation of support infrastruture as key, which includes prioritising inter-office communication.

“…it’s important to consider life outside the office walls and recognize that professionals with healthy and happy personal lives come to work with productive, positive attitudes.”

For more, see Hirst’s article on Entrepreneur.